We are driving back to Bangkok even though we said we weren’t going to make a u-turn, but we did. The last few days have been frustrating, and it’s been my turn to do some self reflecting, so here’s what I came up with. But before we go on, here’s a short film I made In the midst of my frustration. It’s a zen-type short film called U-turn.
During the national holiday on monday, for the king I think it was, we decided to hike up to Huay something Waterfall in Chiang Mai, and our only idea was to pitch up our hammocks and read a book. Of course I forgot my book, so Juho pointed at a local book shop and told me to buy one from there. I didn’t want to. It’s either the book with the amazing story about Chinese food, or nothing.
I’ve never been into books, though I’ve been trying to get into them more. Instead all throughout my childhood I’ve spent a lot of time within my own head, thinking. So while Juho was reading, I took some of these thoughts of mine and started my own in-my-head rubick’s cube, and tried to weave them together.
Most of the different healing things of the world have a basic thought, that it takes about half the time that a problem has been, to get better, and that the process of healing works in a way, where the problematic feeling, be it pain, anxiety or whatever the person has attached to the problem, comes back, before it starts to feel better.
The way that I have learned my circus is not by doing, doing, doing. I’ve been trying to find a balance between doing and resting. The doing period is where I go forward, this is when I experience.
The resting period is where I go backwards. This is the frustrating part, when my mind and body retrace the path back to step one, the one where I started. By returning to square one, I begin to understand. This is the only time when I see the same thing I did before, but this time in a new light. I have something to compare it to, so I start to understand what has happened and I create trust in myself.
Everyone I think has experienced going to an unknown place, either walking, car, tuk tuk, whatever, and then returning from that place to the beginning. Isn’t it always much faster to return, then to go?
I had this thought the other day and I talked with Juho, that it could possibly feel the same half the time less, as with the healing idea.
(I would be interested if someone actually would test this and see what people say is the difference in the time they experience when going some place new, and coming back. We theorised it’s either half, PI, or the square root, but who knows.)
Time does not exist.
Time, I think, in essence is the same as change, which, I think, in essence is life.
Everything is relative.
That’s why, I think, that going to a new place takes longer than coming back. The more things change, because everything is new, the longer the time feels. On the way back things don’t change so much because you know some of it already, so it feels like it takes less time.
Time depends on what you relate the idea of time to. Without something to relate things to, there is no time. (The modern second is related to the caesium 133 atom)
So in essence I put all of these thoughts together into this:
The key to understanding, is to live life by taking one step forward and one step back.
At first I thought its idiotic to to do this because you would stay still, but this is not what happens. The step back, is only half a step, because it takes half the time.
This thought then continued.
Every time I learn I have a new square one to return to, but what is the root square one? The first one.
I slept in the back of the tuk tuk, and the closer to Bangkok we got, the more I started to understand. I come from my family. They are my root, and they are my beginning.
I can roam the world as much as I like, as long as I want, but it’s not until I return to my family, when I understand how far I have gone, how much I have seen, how much I have changed. They are my starting point, and they are the ones I must relate everything I am to. Maybe that’s why they are called relatives, who knows.
Bangkok is closing in, and I am glad to be returning. Bangkok has been a huge square one for me since my teenage years, and I’m finally starting to understand. If my only direction is forward, I will never get anywhere.
I think this half step back, is more important for us, than the humungous leap we have already taken.