My Theory of Understanding




We are driving back to Bangkok even though we said we weren’t going to make a u-turn, but we did. The last few days have been frustrating, and it’s been my turn to do some self reflecting, so here’s what I came up with. But before we go on, here’s a short film I made In the midst of my frustration. It’s a zen-type short film called U-turn.



During the national holiday on monday, for the king I think it was, we decided to hike up to Huay something Waterfall in Chiang Mai, and our only idea was to pitch up our hammocks and read a book. Of course I forgot my book, so Juho pointed at a local book shop and told me to buy one from there. I didn’t want to. It’s either the book with the amazing story about Chinese food, or nothing.

I’ve never been into books, though I’ve been trying to get into them more. Instead all throughout my childhood I’ve spent a lot of time within my own head, thinking. So while Juho was reading, I took some of these thoughts of mine and started my own in-my-head rubick’s cube, and tried to weave them together.

First thought:

Most of the different healing things of the world have a basic thought, that it takes about half the time that a problem has been, to get better, and that the process of healing works in a way, where the problematic feeling, be it pain, anxiety or whatever the person has attached to the problem, comes back, before it starts to feel better.

Second Thought:

The way that I have learned my circus is not by doing, doing, doing. I’ve been trying to find a balance between doing and resting. The doing period is where I go forward, this is when I experience.

The resting period is where I go backwards. This is the frustrating part, when my mind and body retrace the path back to step one, the one where I started. By returning to square one, I begin to understand. This is the only time when I see the same thing I did before, but this time in a new light. I have something to compare it to, so I start to understand what has happened and I create trust in myself.

Third Thought:

Everyone I think has experienced going to an unknown place, either walking, car, tuk tuk, whatever, and then returning from that place to the beginning. Isn’t it always much faster to return, then to go?

I had this thought the other day and I talked with Juho, that it could possibly feel the same half the time less, as with the healing idea.

(I would be interested if someone actually would test this and see what people say is the difference in the time they experience when going some place new, and coming back. We theorised it’s either half, PI, or the square root, but who knows.)

Fourth Thought:

Time does not exist.

Time, I think, in essence is the same as change, which, I think, in essence is life.

Fifth Thought:

Everything is relative.

That’s why, I think, that going to a new place takes longer than coming back. The more things change, because everything is new, the longer the time feels. On the way back things don’t change so much because you know some of it already, so it feels like it takes less time.

Time depends on what you relate the idea of time to. Without something to relate things to, there is no time. (The modern second is related to the caesium 133 atom)

So in essence I put all of these thoughts together into this:

The key to understanding, is to live life by taking one step forward and one step back.

At first I thought its idiotic to to do this because you would stay still, but this is not what happens. The step back, is only half a step, because it takes half the time.

This thought then continued.

Every time I learn I have a new square one to return to, but what is the root square one? The first one.

I slept in the back of the tuk tuk, and the closer to Bangkok we got, the more I started to understand. I come from my family. They are my root, and they are my beginning.

I can roam the world as much as I like, as long as I want, but it’s not until I return to my family, when I understand how far I have gone, how much I have seen, how much I have changed. They are my starting point, and they are the ones I must relate everything I am to. Maybe that’s why they are called relatives, who knows.

Bangkok is closing in, and I am glad to be returning. Bangkok has been a huge square one for me since my teenage years, and I’m finally starting to understand. If my only direction is forward, I will never get anywhere.

I think this half step back, is more important for us, than the humungous leap we have already taken.





First barrier broken, our own fear.


We were as high as we could get in Thailand, at the Northern most point, smack bang in the middle of the infamous Golden Triangle. “What if we just go through here? We’re not a threat to anybody, on the contrary we want to help everyone as much as possible. What if we just ask?”.

So we did.

In the morning we were scared as hell. We decided that we are just going to try and cross the border to Myanmar. I don’t know which was scarier, the thought of actually being let through, the thought of ending up in a Myanmar jail, or all the other unknown possibilities how it could end up going horribly wrong. But we had to try.

The Thai personnel were a little iffy at first, but talking mano-a-mano, we bonded and they let us through no problem. They even shared their breakfast with us.

The Myanmar side was also close, but like we thought, it’s not so easy. They did their job like they are supposed to, and we had a good laugh. They looked through all our papers and said that we need to get one paper from the Myanmar embassy, and things should be ok.

We didn’t get too far, yet, but now we know it can be done. It is no longer a question of the unknown. We realised that we need to have no fear, in order to go through the borders. We realised that we were the ones making the border, by believing what we are told, like always.

On our way back to Chiang Mai, the rain came again. It cleared the air and now its easy to breathe. The sky was beautiful, with to nicest cotton swab jesus cloud there ever was.

Photo: Juho Sarno

Now we know what we need to do to get ourselves and the tuk tuk past the border, but this time, everything remains possible. We learned from our last mistake.

Today is a public holiday in Thailand. It means that we can rest today, and tomorrow we will walk in to the Myanmar consulate. Let’s hope they will be understanding. If not, then there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Nobody would remember Ulysses if he would have found his way home on the first try.

The Odyssey continues.