The past two days have been blue. Not because of the waiting, but because we feel that things are not in our own hands. Since the beginning of the project we have worked ceaselessly no matter what obstacles we’ve encountered, but now it’s in the hands of a bureaucrat and our tuk tuk reseller Mr. Pong, who is handling the case. Lack of communication means that we are not sure what’s really happening, and thats frustrating.
On Friday it sunk into our heads that we are not leaving this week either. It’s like Groundhog Day, the Bill Murray film where he relives the same day over and over again. Every Friday we are told that the register will be ready by Tuesday, and every Tuesday we hear that it will be ready by Friday. We’re baffling in the dark. Papers are ready, but for some reason it’s just not happening.
So far there’s been complete trust between our fixer, Mr. Pong, and ourselves but we can feel the bond of trust slowly cracking. This is where faith is tested.
Trust enables us to have power, responsibility and freedom, and these are essential in all teamwork. Lets say that I get the responsibility to do a task, I must also have the power to do it in the way I see fit. Otherwise I am responsible for something I cannot, or do not want to do.
It is human nature to pass on responsibility to others while keeping the power with yourself. But I’ve noticed that whenever I get or take responsibility and I do not delegate it forwards, I work towards fulfilling that responsibility the best I possibly can. When I do not delegate responsibility to others, the fulfilment of the task is about my own pride, my own self worth, and my own freedom. If someone gives me responsibility without giving me the power to execute it the way I see fit, they gain from my work and I feel like I slaved for it. Thats why these days I say I will do it my way or you do it yourself. When power and responsibility are together the feeling of freedom and pride come out.
During the past five weeks there’s been no frustration, so why is it popping up now? Bangkok Shutdown was a legitimate obstacle and it felt like their cause was more important then ours. They are fighting against corruption and corruption comes when people keep power to themselves and force responsibility onto others. It was, and still is, about Power and Responsibility and we understand that. But now after the offices have opened up we see no legitimate reason why things are not going forward. Seems like someone is not fulfilling their responsibility.
On Monday we will take matters into our own hands again and block up all the holes and rebuild whatever needs rebuilding. We must get everyone to work as a team again, otherwise this boat is not going to float all the way home.
We are going to go to the transportation authority ourselves and talk. If they do not see the importance of their task, why would they take responsibility for it and impose the power that they have to fulfil their responsibility? The papers are ready. It can and it will be done.
We are taking frustration as a sign to take responsibility back to ourselves. Frustration is an illusion where the mind thinks that matters are not in our own hands. In reality we are responsible for our own lives and therefore we have the power to get rid of the frustration, if we decide to do so.
We have 100% faith that this will happen. If we lose faith, so will everyone else. It’s lake balancing on a tight wire, the moment I lose faith, I fall.